This is a hilarious list of Chuck Norris Facts

I like "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."

There are more...

Did You Know? All Nighters Hurt Grades

So this survey finds that all-nighters hurt grades.

"A survey of 120 students at St. Lawrence University, a small liberal arts college in northern New York, found that students who have never pulled an all-nighter on average have higher grades than those who have. The survey found those who did not study through the night had a grade point average of 3.2 compared to 2.95 for those who have."

I had a thought. What if, poor students do poorly because they don't study for classes. How do you measure not-studying? Well, a measure of not-studying could be all-nighters.

The way they should have done this survey is included another variable - how many hours do you study? This way, they could isolate the whole sleep thing with someone who finally decides to study the night before the test.

This brings back memories about studying in the dorms. They smelled and the chairs and people were uncomfortable.

Ode to Caffeine

Oh C8-H10-N4-O2,
With your two nitrogen rings
The double bonded oxygen sparkles in the mass spec
while your CH3s are never dull

Dull is me without you
Pull away the wool of sleep
I imagine you growing in the quiet cocoa plant
Reach out, and kill my dog

Take this to its logical conclusion...

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — An atheist pleaded with a federal appeals court Tuesday to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance and "In God We Trust" from U.S. currency, saying the references disrespect his religious beliefs.

"I want to be treated equally," said Michael Newdow, who argued the cases consecutively to a three-judge panel of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. He added that supporters of the phrases "want to have their religious views espoused by the government."

...

In describing the historical context for use of the word "God," the government cited the Declaration of Independence, which states that all men "are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights."

If he wins, we can expect to see this:

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — An atheist pleaded with a federal appeals court Tuesday to remove the words "Creator" from the Declaration of Independence saying the reference disrespect his religious beliefs...

The rights are unalienable because they have been endowed by the Creator - the argument usually begins (and ends) like this - why do we have rights? Because the creator gave 'em to us. You can't argue against that.

BUT if no creator gave us rights, then where did they come from? Not from me... nor would I trust you to give them.

Godwin's Law

As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

My Corollary: It IS one when the online discussion is about Nazis or Hitler.

Proof: Trivial.

On the list of how to be a good jihadist:

1. Attend the annual protest calling for the death of somebody. Make sure you chant, ""By soul, by blood, I will fight for the Prophet Mohammad," to properly convey your sincerity.

Oops!

Scientists had found the oldest living animal - a clam - but killed it when they had opened it up.

Darn Stock Market Slapped Me Silly!


Another one from the list of stupid-things-to-do. I'm going to coin a term here, "stock market hypnosis," when you're so involved in the price that you go nuts trading and rack up commissions and then curl up into a fetal ball and refuse to take your loss. Or worse, add to the position. Not only does it blow your psyche, but it damages your account.


I think, what happens is, you make money and you think everything is good, then you start to relax your parameters... let your losses run... pull your stops...try to "optimize" around your method. then BLAM... turns out you've deviated from your rules and your account falls down the tubes. And your confidence. Only afterwards do you suffer from the regret of knowing which rules you broke.


Oh, and that frustration you feel? It's cuz you're emotionally vested in your position. You try to predict the market and you hope that you've gotten it right. Then the market slaps you and you feel frustrated because you're wrong. But see, there is no "right" or "wrong." Right or wrong are concepts that we come up with to try to predict the market. There is only - the market. It will do whatever it does, and you should just be there for the ride.


This is RIMM's ultra-super-totally-unpredictable-DOUBLE!-reversal-slam-dunk.

You've Been Swatted. Ha Ha

I wonder how he did this. When I was young, I was into computers too... then I got old and lost my mad skillz. Do they even still use that word? I had a 300 baud modem and a 286 at 8 mhz. MS-Dos. Nowadays, I don't even build computers, I buy them. With windows preinstalled! Does anyone remember BBS's?

LAKE FOREST – SWAT officers expected to find a victim shot to death, drugs and a belligerent armed suspect when they surrounded the home of an unsuspecting couple, but found they were only a part of a false emergency call caused by a teenager who hacked into the county’s emergency response system, authorities said.

Iraqi's becoming more American

by filing a lawsuit against Blackwater.

Polish Police Brutality

Polish Police stormed a convent and evicted more than 60 ex-nuns. They're "ex" nuns because their Mother Superior was fired by the Vatican for not being kosher.

The convent's electricity was cut off earlier this year, but local residents sympathized with the ex-nuns' plight and secretly funneled them food in the night." AP says it took several hours for police to remove the women, some of whom attacked the officers with an "onslaught of verbal aggression."

War! We're going to War! or not.


The Canadian mint has claimed trademark on the word "one-cent."

I guess their trademark system is even more screwed up than ours...good thing trademarks don't apply across country boundaries.

OMG Obama's not wearing his flag pin!

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-New York, said she didn't know if it was a "serious issue" that Obama didn't wear a pin and added, "There are so many ways that Americans can show their patriotism." ...

Gov. Bill Richardson, who was wearing a flag pin at the time, what he thought of the matter. "Patriotism is what you do and I don't think anyone should — if you feel good about wearing it, wear it,” he said. “I wear it. It's perfectly good to wear it. I love this flag. I love this country. I wear it. But patriotism is about what you do, not what you say." ...

Obama told a KCRG-TV reporter this week that he has made a conscious decision not to wear the pin.

Osama Bin Laden also showed the flag pin he had purchased. "I wear the American flag," he said, "Look, I wear it upside down. If this doesn't show anti-patriotism, I don't know what will. Maybe blowing something up... I did that, you know."

President George Bush also weighed in, "he's allowed to do whatever he wants," the President said. "But the you can bet that anyone not wearing a flag pin will be red "flagged" by the TSA." He laughed.

Across the country, millions of chinese workers cheered. Mr. Deng,a foreman at one of the numerous American flag pin factories in Shanghai was especially exuberiant. "It is just more money for us. The more flag pins Americans buy, the more I get paid." He demonstrated the numerous flag pins he had. "I have American flags, German flags, Russian flags, Chinese flags.... I wear them all! I'm very patriotic."

U.N. Security Council Debates Action On Burma

and do nothing...I'll bet

Artist Builds Secret Apartment in a Mall

He lived in it for 4 years. His website is here. He has a tunnel. It's strangely fascinating.

Say What?

Darfur rebels attacked an African Union peacekeeping outpost.

The AU troops took refuge in a ditch in one corner of the camp, where dozens of empty shell casings from AK-47s were strewn in the sandy soil. "Once we ran out of ammunition, we all laid down in that ditch," Abu Bakr, one of the peacekeepers, said.

The rebels looted the camp on their way out, taking six armoured personnel carriers, a dozen jeeps, fuel, AK-47s and boxes of ammunition.

Uh Oh, Somebody's In Trouble

Woman Found Dead In Airport Holding Cell.

Synopsis: Carol Ann Gotbaum became agitated after she was refused passage on a US Airways flight (she was apparently late). She was rebooked on the next flight, and started running around. Officers handcuffed her and placed her in the holding room where she kept on screaming. They checked on her when she stopped screaming and found her dead. They speculate that she tried to get out of her handcuffs, got entangled and ended up with them "around her neck."

What's even worse is:

"Gotbaum was the daughter-in-law of New York City's public advocate. PubicAdvocate Betsy Gotbaum tells the New York Daily News that the family is "extraordinarily upset." She says the family is watching the investigation closely. She says her daughter-in-law had three very small children."

U.S Declares War On Global Warming!

"(CNN) -- President Bush told a global climate change conference Friday that the United States will do its part to improve the environment by taking on greenhouse gas emissions.

"We take this issue seriously," he said at the Major Economies Meeting on Energy Security and Climate Change, which the White House sponsored."

"This issue is serious to the American people and to our war on terror. I have asked the State Department to place major contributors of greenhouse gas emissions on the list of nations who sponsor terror. That means you, China, and you, United States," President Bush said emphatically.

"I have also asked the Defense Department to begin looking at possible solutions to global warming. They have creatively proposed a plan using nuclear weapons which would help kill two birds with one stone... we would solve our terrorist problem while at the same time creating a barrier of atmospheric soot, permanently cooling
down the world."

...

In my opinion, the United States would never trade off carbon emissions for economic growth. And neither would China.

Cellmate: Hey, what are you in jail for?

Erik Heinrich: Oh, I stole 1,500 girls' shoes. What are you here for?

Cellmate: Oh, I kill people.

Erik: ...

Cellmate: You smell nice...

USB Humping Dogs.

Unfortunately, they contain no storage capacity. Just acting on instinct I suppose.

Hardworking Mother Wins Breast Feeding Case

A hardworking mother, whom you should all empathize with, has victoriously litigated extra time on take her Medical Boards. Bravo!

"Sophie Currier, 33, sued after the National Board of Medical Examiners turned down her request to take more than the standard 45 minutes in breaks during the exam."

She has also struck a victorious blow for ADD patients:

"Currier … is receiving some test accommodation. She has … attention problems...and is thus given twice the usual time to complete the test: two
nine-hour days instead of one."

as well as as for people who fail tests:

"As for postponing the test, Currier is behind schedule because she failed the test when she took it this spring.

Such a person deserves to be known to the world. Fortunately, her name is splashed all over Google for prospective future employers to find. I'm sure they would be happy to hire such a proactive employee!

PRESIDENT BUSH HATES CHILDREN!

House Defies Bush Veto, Gives Health Insurance to Kids

"Thanks to yesterday's Congressional approval of an expanded State Children's Health Insurance Program, four million uninsured children could qualify for coverage.

They could qualify -- but they almost certainly won't. The measure passed the House of Representatives by a 265-159 vote, falling short of the majority needed to override President Bush's promised veto. "

Maybe children are on his list of evil doers...

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, YEAH

Dungeons & Dragons Discussion Board

Topic: D&D Edition 4

werehairbear 09-09-07: 1:53 a.m.
Hey, guys, did you hear they're making a new version of D&D? I hope they make it harder for characters to die in the new edition. As far as I'm concerned, when I'm Dungeon Master, characters should only die if it's important to the dramatic arc of the story or if they annoy me.

DrizztDoherty 09-09-07: 1:59 a.m.
Ah, I don't worry about characters dying that much as long as one of them survives and can cast Resurrection, or can pay a cleric to do it. In fact, in the campaign I run there are magical insurance policies, and sometimes the monsters say, "I just saved a ton of money on my resurrection insurance!" Well, just that one time, I'm still recovering from the beating.

Goku1443 09-09-07: 2:12 a.m.
You let your players cast Resurrection? How cheesy. In my game, if you want someone raised, you need to get the High Priest to do it for you. First, you have to do a quest to get someone to tell you where the High Priest is. Then you have to do a quest before they'll let you in the temple. Then you have to do a quest before they'll let you talk to the High Priest. Then you have to do a quest to prove to the High Priest that you're serious. Then it's time for some REAL questing. After that you can get your friends raised, just in time for the obligatory post-resurrection debt quests.

LordOrcus 09-09-07: 2:15 a.m.
I can't believe you guys let characters come back from the dead. In my campaign, if you're dead, you're dead. No takebacks, no comebacks and NO RESURRECTIONS. You just grab a fresh character sheet and start statting out a new character, one level lower than the last one. I guess some people just can't handle a hardcore campaign. I just wish they'd make the character-generation rules faster, though. It really sucks when you have to take a half-hour break three times a night.

assassin-of-gnomes09-09-07: 2:21 a.m.
ONE LEVEL LOWER? You call that hardcore? In my campaign, if you die you start your next character over at first level. You get to clean the boots of the other characters for a while, until you get enough experience points to carry their torches. That's if you don't end up biting it in the "initiation ceremonies" the other characters come up with. Don't like it? DON'T DIE! That's hardcore. Anything less and the players are just going to treat Dungeons and Dragons like some sort of game.

CleanseByFire09-09-07: 2:32 a.m.
What, are you playing Candyland: The Extra Nice Edition? When you die you get to START OVER? In my campaign, once your character dies, that's it for you. You're out of the campaign. Get out of my house, you're done. I'll call you when I start a new campaign. Leave the chips.

screamsofthedamned 09-09-07: 2:37 a.m.
You let the players just LEAVE when a character dies? Do you make them warm milk and tuck them in at night, too? Maybe give them a little foot rub? In my campaign, if your character dies, he doesn't come back, but you do. You have to sit in on all the games and watch everyone else play, knowing that you were a pathetic loser who couldn't even keep his character alive. HARD. CORE.

gary 09-09-07: 2:45 a.m.
Let's just say that when a player lets a character die in my campaign, that player never plays D&D, or any other game, ever again.
- - -

JIHAD FOR DUMMIES

DAN RATHER KICKS BUSH WHILE HE'S DOWN

Now that Bush's ratings are at a low and his staff are leaving his sinking administrative ship, Rather figures he can win.