U.S Declares War On Global Warming!

"(CNN) -- President Bush told a global climate change conference Friday that the United States will do its part to improve the environment by taking on greenhouse gas emissions.

"We take this issue seriously," he said at the Major Economies Meeting on Energy Security and Climate Change, which the White House sponsored."

"This issue is serious to the American people and to our war on terror. I have asked the State Department to place major contributors of greenhouse gas emissions on the list of nations who sponsor terror. That means you, China, and you, United States," President Bush said emphatically.

"I have also asked the Defense Department to begin looking at possible solutions to global warming. They have creatively proposed a plan using nuclear weapons which would help kill two birds with one stone... we would solve our terrorist problem while at the same time creating a barrier of atmospheric soot, permanently cooling
down the world."

...

In my opinion, the United States would never trade off carbon emissions for economic growth. And neither would China.

Cellmate: Hey, what are you in jail for?

Erik Heinrich: Oh, I stole 1,500 girls' shoes. What are you here for?

Cellmate: Oh, I kill people.

Erik: ...

Cellmate: You smell nice...

USB Humping Dogs.

Unfortunately, they contain no storage capacity. Just acting on instinct I suppose.

Hardworking Mother Wins Breast Feeding Case

A hardworking mother, whom you should all empathize with, has victoriously litigated extra time on take her Medical Boards. Bravo!

"Sophie Currier, 33, sued after the National Board of Medical Examiners turned down her request to take more than the standard 45 minutes in breaks during the exam."

She has also struck a victorious blow for ADD patients:

"Currier … is receiving some test accommodation. She has … attention problems...and is thus given twice the usual time to complete the test: two
nine-hour days instead of one."

as well as as for people who fail tests:

"As for postponing the test, Currier is behind schedule because she failed the test when she took it this spring.

Such a person deserves to be known to the world. Fortunately, her name is splashed all over Google for prospective future employers to find. I'm sure they would be happy to hire such a proactive employee!

PRESIDENT BUSH HATES CHILDREN!

House Defies Bush Veto, Gives Health Insurance to Kids

"Thanks to yesterday's Congressional approval of an expanded State Children's Health Insurance Program, four million uninsured children could qualify for coverage.

They could qualify -- but they almost certainly won't. The measure passed the House of Representatives by a 265-159 vote, falling short of the majority needed to override President Bush's promised veto. "

Maybe children are on his list of evil doers...

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, YEAH

Dungeons & Dragons Discussion Board

Topic: D&D Edition 4

werehairbear 09-09-07: 1:53 a.m.
Hey, guys, did you hear they're making a new version of D&D? I hope they make it harder for characters to die in the new edition. As far as I'm concerned, when I'm Dungeon Master, characters should only die if it's important to the dramatic arc of the story or if they annoy me.

DrizztDoherty 09-09-07: 1:59 a.m.
Ah, I don't worry about characters dying that much as long as one of them survives and can cast Resurrection, or can pay a cleric to do it. In fact, in the campaign I run there are magical insurance policies, and sometimes the monsters say, "I just saved a ton of money on my resurrection insurance!" Well, just that one time, I'm still recovering from the beating.

Goku1443 09-09-07: 2:12 a.m.
You let your players cast Resurrection? How cheesy. In my game, if you want someone raised, you need to get the High Priest to do it for you. First, you have to do a quest to get someone to tell you where the High Priest is. Then you have to do a quest before they'll let you in the temple. Then you have to do a quest before they'll let you talk to the High Priest. Then you have to do a quest to prove to the High Priest that you're serious. Then it's time for some REAL questing. After that you can get your friends raised, just in time for the obligatory post-resurrection debt quests.

LordOrcus 09-09-07: 2:15 a.m.
I can't believe you guys let characters come back from the dead. In my campaign, if you're dead, you're dead. No takebacks, no comebacks and NO RESURRECTIONS. You just grab a fresh character sheet and start statting out a new character, one level lower than the last one. I guess some people just can't handle a hardcore campaign. I just wish they'd make the character-generation rules faster, though. It really sucks when you have to take a half-hour break three times a night.

assassin-of-gnomes09-09-07: 2:21 a.m.
ONE LEVEL LOWER? You call that hardcore? In my campaign, if you die you start your next character over at first level. You get to clean the boots of the other characters for a while, until you get enough experience points to carry their torches. That's if you don't end up biting it in the "initiation ceremonies" the other characters come up with. Don't like it? DON'T DIE! That's hardcore. Anything less and the players are just going to treat Dungeons and Dragons like some sort of game.

CleanseByFire09-09-07: 2:32 a.m.
What, are you playing Candyland: The Extra Nice Edition? When you die you get to START OVER? In my campaign, once your character dies, that's it for you. You're out of the campaign. Get out of my house, you're done. I'll call you when I start a new campaign. Leave the chips.

screamsofthedamned 09-09-07: 2:37 a.m.
You let the players just LEAVE when a character dies? Do you make them warm milk and tuck them in at night, too? Maybe give them a little foot rub? In my campaign, if your character dies, he doesn't come back, but you do. You have to sit in on all the games and watch everyone else play, knowing that you were a pathetic loser who couldn't even keep his character alive. HARD. CORE.

gary 09-09-07: 2:45 a.m.
Let's just say that when a player lets a character die in my campaign, that player never plays D&D, or any other game, ever again.
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JIHAD FOR DUMMIES

DAN RATHER KICKS BUSH WHILE HE'S DOWN

Now that Bush's ratings are at a low and his staff are leaving his sinking administrative ship, Rather figures he can win.